No one.

Still I feel sad, though.

The problem it's not being alone itself - that I don't have any issues with. I'm extremely independent and believe in my own skills on everything. I mean..., if I made it to rent a place or get an insurance in Japan, what makes people around me believe I can not spend a few days in the United Kingdom (whose language I actually speak) by myself?

No, loneliness is indeed not what makes me sad. I guess part of it it's just the effort I've input onto this trip-gift; I never imagined it would end up like this. If only I could have guessed...

Part of it relies in the fact that I've fantasized too much about it. I always fall into the same mistakes all over - all these past months, every time I had a fight with Dani, every time a rude customer crossed me, every time I got called out by my boss or a coworker, every single time I controlled and denied my feelings for Helio, I mentally caressed the idea of going away with my boyfriend, as he is also my safe space. I leaned on to sharing some time just the two of us, away from work, away from the move, away from family. I fed an idealized image of us chatting, eating together, walking around, laughing, taking pictures, creating memories, having sex and cuddling to sleep every night.

Also, for the fist time ever, I felt that I had no one. No friend or mate to come over. But it's worse knowing that I deserve this, I made it myself through my depressiond and subsequent isolation.

I did not allow myself a single tear on this, not a single sob came from me at any point of the last... two, three weeks? But today I'm just breaking apart. Today's just one of those rough, bad days; as nothing's appealing anymore. Not this trip, not my job, nor moving out, nor my masters, nor my future.