Just happened...

When bae is mad at me for making a cruel joke that expresses all my insecurities Lol... I deserve it.

I shall probably analyze my feelings. I wouldn't say I'm jealous. I don't wanna be her. I don't feel bad when she sits next to him, when she talks to him or anything. I wouldn't feel angry about that. It's just that he liked her... and so she is the opposite to how I am, how I dress up, how I behave. I wonder if I'm the one he really likes or I'm just the first girl who said 'yes'. I wonder if he still would have loved me if he had more girls to choose from. I don't really know if I'm really thinking this.
Why am I feeling threatened about someone that didn't even be? maybe I do wanna be like her...
Or maybe the problem is that I don't understand how can anyone love me the way I am if I'm uncapable of loving myself.
I think I can understand better how he must feel about me...