You build me up, you break me down

This new character is so much like myself that I can not help but hate her.

This is someone full of rage. After being bullied over her weight, she got skinny. And man, she thought it'd be amazing. She thought being thin would turn her life around, but losing weight can't change who you are inside.

The same happened to me, I guess. I used to stuff myself in food to numb muy feelings, because, as she says herself, 'when my mouth is not chewing, my head starts spinning'. Mine does. Spins wildly.

I feel raw, naked, insecure and vulnerable as never before.

I've lost all these layers of protection it took years to build up and now I just bark and bite. I don't know how to react to this new appearance and the way people perceive it. I don't like it very much being touched, I'm scared people might find the floppy leftovers of my former self. Except that I feel more myself than ever.

Sarcastic. Cruel. Mean. Indiferent. Lacking empathy at all levels. Classist. Introverted. Sad. Angry. Unleashed and yet so controlled...

Who is this person I'm becoming? Who is this person I'm setting free?