父。

いいえ。。。まさか、お父さん。。。ウソ　ですか。
行きないで　ください。

Why don't you get a job?

A menudo olvido que las personas a mi alrededor tienen su vida, su historia, su propia roña.
Estoy empezando a pensar que eso, de algún modo, me molesta.

Ali.

Let me keep being your someone.

Spring is coming.

It's already March and I can feel life struggling to beat cold. I've never been excited when it came to experience heat or anything close to that, but this is the first time that I've had these thoughts. I'm dying for sunlight to come and erase winter's memories. Despite its kindness, it's been the coldest winter I can remember. Yea, I might have been able to walk around in T-shirts, but still, I had never been that sad since... well, in a long time (no, I dont wanna think about it)
We've been spending some quality time together today in order to clean up the swimming pool. Okay, you may think that's not quality time at all, but we were freezing under water and I assure you we've got a lot of laughs. Specially when I slipped and fell, my ass is still hurting.
I missed laughing like that. Hearing my sister laugh like she did today.
Even though my brother's dark mood, which I totally understand anyways.

But before, I was reading in my room and I oppened the window. The cold air faced the warm sunlight and it felt pretty good. Specially when the sky burned in beautiful pink flames, and I could hear kids playing in the street. Their voices sounded a lot like past summer, and it was not preciselly happy, but everything is easier to face when sun is on your side.

It's funny. How this warm, soft winter became so dark and cold to my soul (that probably makes no sense, not even for me... nothing has happened, so wth is going on?). Somehow, I'm willing to swim, jump and play card games sitting in the grass. I wish to go ahead in time and read next to the pool, wet and happy somehow. I wish longer brither days to come...

I've never said that before, and I won't probably said it again once The Heat is here, but... I want summer to come.

Meanwhile...

Today...

Hoy he dormido mucho.
Hoy me han dicho cosas bonitas.
El cielo es muy, muy azul, y el sol brilla como a mí me gusta.
Y he comido un almuerzo delicioso con gente maravillosa.
He aprendido que eso rosa que sabe a jabón es jengibre en láminas.
Luego hemos paseado, charlando.
Y he oído que soy una buena persona, que es lo que siempre he querido ser.

Me siento muy joven, hoy. Ha sido todo muy bonito.

Naked.

I wasn't expecting to learn anything from that book, but there's a certain statement that caugh my attention because it's true.

You can't get naked so easily. You may just take your clothes off, but you'd be showing your skin, like animals do. It's not so easy to expose your dreams, your fears, your story. It's not so easy to say your name, to tell who you are.

After reading this, I realised I've never been truly naked in front of anyone. I've never showed up who I am.

I wish.

"Ojalá ella fuera como tú." "ojalá ella fuera tan buena como tú." "Ojalá..."

Claro. Ojalá. Ojalá, por soñar, yo podría querer que me quisieras como a ella. Que me quisieras por quién soy, y no por quién parezco. Y esto no va solo por ti, que has tenido la mala fortuna de plantar esta idea en mi mente. Esto también va por todos aquellos que alguna vez me han dicho lo mismo. Va por Eddie, que quiere "a alguien como yo" a quien amar, pero no me ama a mí. Va por Ana, que quiere "una amiga como yo", pero ¿no me quiere a mí?

Hace unas pocas noches, Guille me preguntaba qué es lo que tengo que a trae tanto a las personas (o a los hombres). Y yo, por el contrario, quisiera saber cuál es el problema por el que no puedo ser objeto de amor o deseo yo misma, siquiera de cariño. Por qué todo el mundo quiere a alguien como yo, pero no me quiere a mí. ¿Qué falla? ¿cuál es mi error? Quizá no estoy hecha para estar cerca de la gente. A lo mejor no soy una buena amiga, una buena compañera, una buena amante, o una buena novia. Siempre soy la sustituta de, la comparación de. 

Y estoy un poco harta de eso.